Retro romance: perfume ads to raise a smile

If you’ve had it with all the mawkishness that can accompany V-day, we feel ya, and present instead a plethora of retro fragragrance adverts that instead of promising you a bevy of admirers and a hot dating tips, will at least make you chuckle…

Big hair don’t care? She certainly doesn’t when wearing Tigress! Watch in amazement as this ‘do gets bigger with every passing second of this advert from 1969, and do be sure to shuffle up to someone you want to catch the eye of in this manner. It will definitely get their attention.

Couples in perfume commercials just can’t keep still, can they? Perhaps this pair from 1967 ate some dodgy oysters, and are living up to the name of the scent as they madly dash through airports and dodge traffic on mopeds to prove how On the Wind they are? We hope they made it in time.

We women like nothing better than hanging around in windows while spraying ourselves with perfume, and here’s another 1969 gem that proves it’s a worthwhile occupation. How else to catch the eye of some random dude and then make him run up and down endless flights of stairs that’d make M.C. Escher dizzy? It’s how we stay Elusive, innit?

What to do when you’re Young ‘N Free? Well this 1970 advert ticks a lot of perfume tropes. Bingo cards at the ready, fragrance fans, as you spot a couple running in slow-motion, horse riding, laughing while peddling bicycles, twirling while holding hands, and running through fields in a while dress. Hang on a minute. Is that a WHEAT field? Could the young Theresa have been caught on camera…?

Ever wondered what advice Tinkerbell from Peter Pan would give you for meeting boys at parties? This 1967 ad for the excitingly named Body Mist Deodorant (shall we workshop this, marketing team?) reveals all. Breathlessly cheerful, Tink tells us her top tips while spraying cartoon snowflakes and stars from the bottle. Don’t drink the punch she’s been sipping.

By Suzy Nightingale

Happy hump day! Laugh along with these vintage fragrance ads

January may feel like a month of Mondays, especially with this awful weather, but we’ve made it to another hump day, fragrant friends! We’re celebrating with a look back at some of the most hilarious scent ads of yore.

Now that we’re in the 20s, we are feeling distinctly nostalgic for all things vintage – but it’s easy to forget how drastically advertising styles change over the years. What once was ultra cool can turn to cringe in the blink of an eye. YouTube is the gift that keeps on giving, as far as viewing vintage adverts is concerned, and there’s a whole host of fragrance ads that range from the unintentionally hilarious to the downright dodgy. We’ve rounded up some more of our favourites to keep you smiling for the rest of the week…

There’s a distinctly Monty Python-esque feeling to this advert from 1969. At any moment, one expects a character to ask, ‘Alright, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?’ To which, according to this advert, we can now add: Bacchus Cologne. He’s not the messiah, he’s a very smelly boy!

Lasers, leotards, smoke machines… could this be the dawn of the 1980s by any chance? This couldn’t be more thrillingly of its it time (1981 to be precise)  if it tried, and we even have SCIENCE (along with some nifty robotic dance moves, which I’m pretty sure we’ll all be breaking out down the club this weekend) to back up their claims of ‘pheremones’ in every bottle of Jovan Andron, that are ‘guaranteed to attract.’ Attract what, we’re not quite sure. Stifled laughter?

We can imagine the storyboard the advertising team created before filming this advert for Hawk Cologne in 1981, showing a ‘man who reaches higher’ – embodying all the freedom and graceful power of a bird of prey as he effortlessly conquers the rock he’s climbing. Unfortunately, the images somehow don’t match the voiceover, because what we see is a rather gormless chap with a bowl haircut looking for all the world like he’d need nanny’s instructions to climb the stairs to bed. Ah well, it probably looked good on paper.

This woman is not on the verge of a complete breakdown, she’s just ‘a little bit Kiku.’ That’s all. It’s 1969 and she’s fine, okay? She’s just changing her mood every two seconds and wearing a salad bowl on her head. She’s NEVER BEEN BETTER, thank you. In fact, aren’t all women, ‘a little bit Kiku?’ Well perhaps, but in public we try to hide it. Now take that off your head, Sandra, and come with us. We’ve all been rather concerned about you…

It’s not merely the yellowish hue that makes this 1976 advert look like a cheese dream: we think the people behind this campaign had been at the last of the Camenbert. In an unfathomably long sequence, we see Charles Bronson gawping weirdly at a piano player, then burst through the doors of his own appartment and begin stripping as though he’s joined the Chippendales, all while smoking a pipe. The name of the fragrance? Mandom. Of course it is. Pass the Brie.

Written by Suzy Nightingale